She, who forgot her needs

She, who was born from desire,

Soon enough forgot herself.

With open eyes, but never seeing,

Even though there were feelings,

She could not know how to speak

Her own desire into being…

Recently I was witnessing a charming couple. Married for 20 years. Their youngest about to leave home for college.

Both finding themselves in the unknown. In a way, closer than ever, but feeling distant at the same time. Something was shifting between them. Emotions that were triggering them before, were evaporating as soon as they would arise. Tears of longing would wash over their faces for two straight days.

Love between them was strong, yet sense of losing each other even stronger.

A new state of awareness. A dance between familiar and unknown, shadows and light, attachment and detachment, emotions of the past and feelings of the present.

But then this happened.

During their practice of “Space Clearing”, where both are asked to express their needs, the woman didn’t know what to say. She paused and whispered, “I don’t know what I need”.

It hit us all.

A simple question could not be answered. As a woman, I could very much relate. I have been there myself.

The inner void that woman feels – disconnection with her true essence – is explained right here, in this question and her answer or lack thereof.

All these years, playing roles of a wife, mother, lover, friend, had consumed all of her. In serving and putting others first, she hid more and more of her-Self. All her needs disappeared in the needs of others. Being a “good” woman killed her truth.

How many of us, women, can identify with this?

Even when we say what we need, it’s not coming from a feeling of deserving. It is still a suppressed need.

But we are transforming. One question, one answer, one insight, one feeling, one tear at a time. The good news is (which most of us overlook), is that men are eagerly waiting for us to tell them what we need. Their need is to fill our need, small or big, silly or deep. It gives them pleasure and expansion.

By giving/sharing our needs from our heart space, we’re allowing ourselves to finally receive. In receiving, we remember those lost parts of ourselves.

Every met need is a drop of fresh water on our deserted essence. An awakening. A reclaiming our deserving of truth, love, space, respect, attention, abundance, reverence, pleasure.



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